overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
