Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
