dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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