Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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