You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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