Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
