I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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