So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
