dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
