yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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