He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
