So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
