besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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