I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
