Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
