saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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