You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
