I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
