She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
