I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
