I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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