I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
