Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there was a trapeze. enough said
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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