And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
