You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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