you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
