god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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