I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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