I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
