Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
