Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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