if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
