Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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