a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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