He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
