She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
