the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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