No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
