dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
