I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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