I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
