there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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