Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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