I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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