I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
