You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't think brook has ever known best
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
