I wish I could teleport
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
