so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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