Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
