Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
