Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
