i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
