kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
