I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
